If you are too stupid to use a computer you might try giving SEO advice

Now that everybody and their uncle is an expert in search engine optimization you get to read some really off the wall advice. I have collected a few gems that had me laughing and reproduced them below. Most of these are from Yahoo Answers and Live QnA but you can find answers like these almost everywhere.

These are all from the last few months and I have corrected the spelling, grammar and replaced any links with .

Q. What is cloaking in SEO?
A. Cloaking is the speed process for your cpu. You can over cloak your cpu but be aware of the overheating, the biggest problem of over cloaking is that it overheats the cpu.

Q. Seo stuff, what are some basic pointers?
A. My friend I have the perfect website for you. It includes over 1000 links to free advertising websites including free directories, free search engine submissions, free viral marketing, free top keywords and much, much more also investing in the big daddy search engine and program hoppers will prove very profitable.

Q. If your site is a cooking site but you add your site as a link to sports related forums, would your site be penalized or banned from the search engines?
A. It is legal to point from one topic to other, you will just get a lower rank but it is better than nothing.

Q. Can someone explain how sub-domains can impact search engine optimization?
A. If you want top ranking in MSN just spam with sub-domains.

Q. Why does page rank fall?
A. The number of hits you get and the frequency that your site is updated changes your ratings.

Q. What does “omitted results” mean e.g. “In order to show you the most relevant results, we have omitted some entries very similar to the 103 already displayed”?
A. It means that there are search results that have been left out.

Q. What is SEO?
A. South East Organization.

Q. Can an expert tell me why Google is not updating our website?
A. No it doesn’t update, you have to resubmit it.

Q. Why are SEO Consultants too expensive for webmasters?
A. I personally used a firm that did a 250,000 site submissions for my site, it worked great.

Q. What are SEO and SEM and how do they differ?
A. SEO typically includes keyword research, density balancing, tagging, linking strategy and website submission. With SEM you can buy advertising to get to the top.

Q. Can any of you SEO experts recommend a good link exchange site that works?
A. I’ve found 45 different link exchange services and the two that I think work the best are and .

Q. Can anyone suggest any SEO tips for my website?
A. I checked your website and one thing is missing, a Visitor’s Guest Book where visitors can insert a message describing their business and website.

Q. What are some SEO tips?
A. The most important item is meta tags, very good keywords and keyword density.

Q. What is the best way to get a website to appear on the first page of search engines, can I do it myself?
A. My experience is that trying to do it yourself does not give the best results. My website has been online for about 5 years now and on average I get about 11 unique hits per day and my meta tags are in order.

Q. How do you get removed from a search result?
A. You don’t. Whatever embarrassing thing you may have committed in a public forum is indelibly etched.

How do I add my website to search engines like Google, Yahoo, AOL?
A. From my understanding, your website will pop up in search engines based on how many people visit your website but how people visit your website if it’s not in a search engine, ironic right?


Global said...


Your blog is very informative n helpful .. thanks…..keep it up.


Global said...


Your blog is very informative n helpful .. thanks…..keep it up.


vietnam tourism said...

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Seo forums said...

It’s was a great pleasure of reading this awesome article. Thank you for posting this blog..

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